September 2010-Sniff sniff! It smells like Everything!

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Monday, September 13, 2010

Would you like some more?

It many British farces there is a scene where a guest who cannot say 'no' pours an unwanted drink into a pot plant. The pot plant usually dies immediately.
An English hostor hostess will often press a guest to accept their hospitality. Repeating an offer several times is a sign of generosity.
But, guests do not have to accept. Saying 'no, thank you' does not give offence in Britain. And it is much better for the pot plants!

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United Kingdom

The United Kingdom consists of England, Scotland, Wales and Nothern Ireland.
The capitals are London, Edinburgh, Cardiff and Belfast.
The population is 47 million(England), 6 million(Scotland), 3 million(Wales) and 2 million(Nothern Ireland).
The official language is English. In Wales Welsh is also an official language . In parts of Scotland and Ireland people olsa speak Gaelic. Gaelic and Welsh are older than English.
Southern Ireland, or Eire, left the United Kingdom in 1992.

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The British

Many British jokes are about 'An Englishman an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman'.
They usually begin 'One day an English man, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were at a football match or in a bank... or having lunch...'.
Traditionally Welshmen are fine singers and mad about rugby. Scotsmen are frugal. Irishmen are warm-hearted and funny. Englishmen are cold and formal.
Of course these national stereotypes are ridiculous but they make good jokes.

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Special Delivery

A few years ago someone called Steve Smith met a German girl while he was on holiday in Spain. One of a million similiar meetings.
Back in Germany Angela lost Steve's address. But she wrote to him all the same. She simply put his name and telephone number on the envelope.
There are twenty-seven pages of Smiths in the London telephone directory and the Post Office handles about fifty million letters a day.
But this letter arrived in Steve's letterbox only four days later.
Steve and Angela were obviously very grateful to the Post Office. They were married the next year.
But the Post Office prefer it if you address the envelope in the conventional way.

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Rugby

The British middle-and upper-classes prefer rugby union. Association football is the game of the common man.
But both games originated in those centres of wealth and privilege, the British public schools-private schools which charge high fees.
It is said that rugby began at Rugby school in 1823, when a boy called William Webb Ellis picked up the ball and ran with it.
But this is probably a myth.
At that time there were many kinds of 'football'. All of them were extremely rough. Games could involve as many as three hundred people and last for up to five days.
Gradually these 'games' were refined.
Two versions emerged. Rugby continued to allow handling and physical contact. Football did not.
It is interesting that the classes that regard themselves as more civilized prefer the more primitive game.

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Pub Food

As a rule the lunch break in London offices is only an hour. So there is not time to go home for lunch.
Many office-workers go to pubs. These pubs serve simple, traditional food. The srt of food that Mum used to make. It is not only hot and quick, but also cheap.
The trouble is that these pubs are so popular that you cannot sit down. As a result you can find yourself with a slightly difficult problem.
You have a plate of delicious, traditional food in one hand, and a glass of beer in the other.
But, with only two hands, how do you eat your lunch?

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Opening Time

The is a story about a gorilla who went into a pub and ordered a beer.
Assuming that gorillas do not understand money, the barman charged the gorilla three times the normal price. The gorilla paid in silence.
'Not many gorillas come in here', the barman said after a pause.
'I'm not surprised', the gorilla replied.
'Why?'
'Because the beer is very expensive.'
The story does not say if the barman was impressed, but the gorilla was obviously no fool.
Pubs in Britain open at strictly controlled times. In most parts of the country they are open from half past eleven in the morning to half past two and then from half past five to half past ten in the evening.
A thirsty gorilla needs a watch as well as a fat wallet.

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National Health

Illness strikes at rich and poor alike. But it has always been easier to avoid it or at least to buy a cure, if you are rich.
There was a terrible plague in 1665. In London seven thousand people died in one week alone.
But many of the rich simply moved to the country. John Milton, for example, went away to Buckinghamshire and wrote Paradise Lost.
Today good health is not reserved for those with money.
Under the National Health Service nobody pays their doctor. Medicine is very cheap and hospital treatment is absolutely free for everybody. And visitors to Britain can take advantage of this if their country has a reciprocal agreement.

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Giving Present

A team of English archaeologists working in the Andes some years ago presented their hosts with fifty strings of orange plastic beads.
The Indıans were friendly and helpful. The archaeologists wanted to show their appreciation. The indians were delighted. They immdiately provided wives and arranged marriage ceremonies for every member of the team.
In that society, visitors give presents when they want to marry into the tribe.
The conventions in Britain are less exciting. Traditionally English people give presents to their friends and relatives at Christmas, on their birthdays and whn they get married.
Nowadays it is also common to take wime, flowers or chocolates when you are invited to someone's house. But it is not necessary or expected. And you will not get a wife in return!

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Can computer translate?

Electronic engineers dream of translating languages on a computer. Why not? It would certainly save a lot of time and effort at international congresses.
A small gadget already exists. It looks like a pocket calculator. At the touch of a button it tells you how to say simple words in four different languages.
But it is very limited.
The problem is that a computer cannot think for itself. You can teach it words, you cab teach it grammatical structures. But how, for example, do you teach it to interpret a figurative use of language?
Imagine a spokesman at the United Nations: 'My President is hungry for news'.
The computer translation might be: 'My President wants to eat the newspaper'.

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A British Joke

An Englishman, an Irishman, a Scotsman and a Welshman were talking to a bishop.
The bishop asked 'What would you do if you won a lot of money?'
The Welshman said 'I would build a new rugby stadium, because rugby is a heavenly sport'.
The Scotsman said 'I would save it because it is a sin to waste money'.
The Englishman said 'I do not discuss my private affairs'.
The bishop turned to the Irishman who said without hesitation 'I would go straight to the church. I would stand in front of the altar. I would throw all the money up to Heaven. What God wanted he would take. What fell to the ground would be for me'.

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The Times

The time on the clock is half-past four. But although this famous newspaper is as British as tea-time, the time is actually half-past four in the morning. That is the time when the first edition of The Times used to appear.
The Times is the most influential newspaper in Britain. It is independent of governments and political parties.
But this was not always the case.
In its early days the newspaper was paid to criticize members of the Royal Family. For this the unfortunate owner was sentenced to two hours in the pillory and two years in prison!
However, The Times soon established a reputation for independent, accurate and rapid information. (At one time the newspaper used to publish foreign news before it reached the government.)
In 1840 The Times sold more copies than all the other British newspapers put togetger. Today, it has a comparatively small circulation. But its influence and prestige are enormous.

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Sunday, September 12, 2010

Greenwich Mean Time

What time is it? Nowadays there is only one correct answer to this question. This was not always true.

In 1859 a man in Dorset lost a court case because he was late. The court used Greenwich time. He used local time.

Even in small countries like Britain the local time varies a lot from place to place. Noon in Dorset is 17 minutes later than it is in London.

It was the development of the railways in the nineteenth century which made a national system of time keeping necessary. In 1880 the time at the Greenwich Observatory in London became the legal time for Britain.

Today GMT is the basis of time keeping all over the world. Nearly all countries have a national system which is so many hours ahead of or behind Greenwich.

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Dreaming spires and production lines

Oxford is about 130 kilometers west of London. It is an important centre of Industry. And of course the oldest and most famous university town in England.
But visitors frequently walk around asking: "Where is the university?"
In fact it is everywhere. The university has nearly 12,000 students in 28 separate collages. And each college has its own buildings. (Many date from the Middle Ages.)
The principal means of transport for the 17,000 students in Oxford is the bicycle. It is interesting that the principle industry of the town is cars - 17,000 people are employed by British Leyland(BL) alone.

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First Family

The Queen's sons are Princes and her daughter is a Princess.
When the Princes Marry, their wives automatically become Princesses. In fact when Prince Charles becomes King, his wife, Princess Diana, will become Queen.
But the present Queen's husband is not a King. He is Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. And Princess Anne's husband is not a Prince. He is simply Captain Mark Philips - not even a Duke!
Should this be a matter for the Women's Liberation Movement? Or do we need a movement for the liberation of men?

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Shaking hands

English people shake hands less than their Continental brothers and sisters.
It is said, for instance that the average Frenchman shakes hands 598 times a month; the average Englishman shakes hands once or twice a week.
In some countries people shake hands with everyone present when they enter a room. In other countries friends shake hands every time they meet or part.
Three situations where English people generally shake hands are: when they are introduced, when they conclude a business deal and after a disagreement as a gesture of reconciliation.
It is curious that boxers shake hands as a gesture of reconciliation before the disagreement!

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Speaking to Strangers

The English have a reputation for not speaking to strangers until they have been introduced.
Perhaps this has something to do with the language.
The point is that there is no equivalent of those words like "Senor" and "Monsieur" which other nationalities use to address strangers.
Mr, Mrs and Miss can only be used if you know the person's name.
This is no problem for a barman or a shopkeeper.
They will say "sir" to you or "madam", if you're a woman. That's because they're serving you.
But if you want to talk to the person next to you in the pub, don't wait to be introduced-introduce yourself.

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Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Sweet Smeel of Success

The Sweet Smeel of Success - The Background to the Story

Afraid of getting into a rut at forty, Michael decided to leave his comfortable job and go into business on his own.
Making perfume had always been his hobby. He decided to turn it to profit. Sarah and he sold their house and moved their family into a charming house over a shop in Woodham, a village near Oxford.
Michael converted the stables into a workshop. Sarah had the stop decorated in ezquisite taste.
Things have been going well. They sell a lot of perfume to the tourists who come to visit London.
But Michael wants to supply his perfume to other retailers.

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